"" Bleh and Awe: Drowning

Tuesday, 20 September 2016


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Drowing away to the chemical romance

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This is gonna be an old post you'll probably dig up when there's nothing better to do than read my stupid blog. Yes, I know I suck at this shit, but it's alright.

Sigh. This asshole of a laptop isn't working, and neither are the plans I'd planned out. What, I'm 21 now, haha things didn't turn out the way I saw it. Excuse me for the 'I's and the 'me's, I was pretty drunk when I wrote this, and no, this isn't gonna be a Snapchat story, but it might be a sob story. And no, it is true if you want it to be. And excuse me for the weird intro, I passed out while typing.

Wednesday, 22 August, 2016
This was a pretty normal shitty day anyway. Came back from classes, had a really nice nap. After a couple of hours. Got up, switched on the lappy, and was checking some emails, when I noticed, in the ignored corner of my Gmail account, a tiny space where it displays all the chats I had on Hangouts (or google talk, idek). As a proud patron of the procrastinator club, I started reading the chats, one by one, all of them. Every single one of them. Every line. And it broke my heart.

There were people I haven't spoken to since college began, since school got over, since coaching classes were finished, and a lot of sinces with beginnings and ends. These were the truly cherished buddies on mine o mah gawd we'll be connected cuz' the kilometers don't matter. Yeah,pretty predictable stuff. We'll all drift apart and do chores on our own with being prompted and 'adult' stuff; but seriously, what the fuck happened to us?

We grew up, being busy and shit, and while all we had to make was one bloody call, we waited for them to call us 'cuz I'm the King of the Hill yo, you communicate first; or maybe we just got tired making all those calls, fed up when there wasn't communication from the other end of the tunnel. What's worse, is that we're acutally connected in a hazy, subtle way - liking photos, commenting on statuses, congratulating on birthdays and jobs and marriages. So it's like we don't really know each other, but I know the company you work at and your favourite basketball team? Damn.

That drunk night, I realised that glass isn't the most fragile thing, happiness is. Our (cousin's) dog, is the happiest organism on the planet when she gets her favourite treats. But if we look at us humans, we are suckers for pain. I personally feel that the air around is (at least in this college) is that of Joy and Frolic, like its the 60's with fancy colours and 'Hi's and 'Have a nice day, you beautiful human'. But underneath all the positivity lies this darkness of failed attempts, disappointments, issues and insecurities which at times, burst through the surface like an exploding pimple; Slow, and pinchingly painful. The point of being happy all the time is, is...artificial. But ah, that doesn't mean you go dumping your shitty feelings on to everyone as a channel to vent it all out. Thus we arrive at the great dilemma of Drowning; Do we seek validation for our pain or cringe away? I don't have the answers, but sometimes, I miss being 15 years old, discussing life (and math) problems with mah buddies and solving it, together.

Oh no. What is this drunk mess of an article? I'm off to sleep. Have a nice day/night/whaterver folks, hope you have a great day :/ 

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